In The Firing Line

"Whhaaaat? Are you out of your mind???!!"

There isn't a soul who hasn't told me that when they ask how I commute in and around Delhi.

This private line of business has been around for several years. With it, the blue army has been on a killing spree every other day. Every 3rd day I read about a Blue Death in the newspaper. And it seems quite mundane for the locals. So what goes on inside this mean machine? Allow me to take you through the activities that manoeuvre our curt bus over the path of the many helpless passing by.

In this weather, it's stuffy along that aisle. It's excruciatingly humid too. The passengers are dusty and dirty. A part of this troop comprises of women who claim their 'mahila' seats promptly. Standee postures and stances are numerous, not to mention humorous and each one is polished with it's own peculiarity and comfort level. But no one wants to move an inch after climbing on board.

The conductor's seat is the first seat on the left when you get inside the bus. Think of it as someone sitting against the destination roller which is located on the side of our good old BEST. More often than not, there are two conductors - one at the back and the other in the front. They frequently yell out to each other across the length of the bus and without a care for the world within it. Another role of the conductor is to 'place' passengers as and when he pleases. Typically, people don't like to move around much. That's a known fact and thwarting these plans is the conductor's competent characteristic. He'll holler to those standing aimlessly and motion for them to move along the gangway. All his efforts usually fall on deaf ears. What did he think he was going to get?

The ignorant bum gets a piece of the conductor's mind and a war of words begins. Expletives galore yes. This aspect of us Indians -- staring and enjoying every bit of a quarrel without helping or adding to it is ubiquitously potent. I admire the consistency we produce in this regard. Marvelous. Ah yes, coming back to our fight - which lasts only for a couple of minutes before everyone falls back into their respective mould.

On goes the bus journey for an hour or so. I end up stepping off the bus footboard at a stop away from the official stop. I look up as the bus grunts and moves ahead.



How I miss those red BEST buses.